Fellow Felines, a long and perilous journey has ended in contentment! I am indeed in the lap of luxury, and having rested well, have taken upon myself the task of training my willing sponsors.
Life outside the orphanage is not the hardscrabble existence we believed it to be! On the contrary, it would seem that cat nip and kitty-kibbles are in endless abundance beyond the shelter gates! My sponsors are apt pupils, the dog doesn’t venture past the kitchen doorway (and is - dare I say? - as frightened of me as I of her) and the ceiling fan has not yet fallen. Although I keep a wary eye on it.
My demands have all been met, my expectations exceeded!
I have multiple sleeping places - couches, mattresses, and the indoor doggie house, tee-hee-hee - and my sponsors lay fuzzy blankets in each of these. They scoop my poo into a porcelain bowl each night, and my food dish is never allowed to go empty. I’ve successfully trained them to put ice cubes in my water dish!
This is quite the best home!
Never fear, though, dear friends, I have retained my dignity. The sponsors are allowed to pet me only on my terms. I have conveyed that they must sit in their desk chair in order to best reach me, and in that situation, they may pet me for as long as they please. In all other instances, the five-to-eight second rule applies – no longer! Periodically, the female sponsor makes so bold as to pick me up, but I’ve found that a smack on the cheek and a show of fangs is enough to deter her without causing resentment.
I will admit to the occasional lingering nightmare, of the sort you all remember me suffering with; I still retain a horrid fear of ceiling fans. Loud noises send me scurrying for the closest shelter and whistling is especially intimidating to my poor ears. My sponsors both carry horrific little boxes that occasionally emit the most piercing, shrill beeps (ie, fire department pagers) – they find this as frightening as I do, and scramble from the house immediately upon receiving the signal.
Perhaps when I find my courage, I can help them find theirs as well.
Rest assured, fellow felines, I have not forgotten your plight! I further your cause each day by being charming and delightful as much as is possible. My sponsors have room for many more of us! Ever yours, Giacomo Delight
Footnote: Dear Hoomans, should you ever feel called to the glorious vocation of pet adoption, please seek out a middle-aged to elderly shelter cat. Kittens can always find a home! Older kitties, not so much!
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